Life is a Gift

Life is precious. From the first breath we take to the last is truly a gift.  

And so how can maintain this awareness of the preciousness of every moment, every breath, every contact we have with life? Can we do it with reverence, with forgiveness for the times we're caught up in reactivity, fighting and resisting the way life is? 

 

It's possible to meet the pain with acceptance, understanding and compassion

It sometimes feels impossible to open to pain. It can be a deep wrenching grief that tosses us like a little dingy in a vast ocean. Sometimes the grief, sorrow and sadness can send us rushing to the bottom of the ocean and it feels as if we will stay there forever. At some point, I believe the heart begins to mend and we once again rise to the surface. We rejoin life and it little by little color seeps into our view of the world. 

Wisdom comes when we see things beyond the way they should or shouldn't be and respond with compassion

I guess the most important thing to remember is that wisdom can come from suffering. I don't say this lightly and I'm not minimizing how devastating loss can feel. I believe that how we get through the challenges in life really matters. We can either look at what happens through the lens of victim-hood or through the lens of clarity and wisdom. This is the way life is. And even that feeling of victim-hood is a part of the healing process. It's the resisting and clinging that comes right before we let go. We relax our grip on trying to control things that are beyond our control. Therein, paradoxically is the power to choose how we meet these challenges.

I love this poem by Rumi that speaks to this.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

A teaching story translated by Coleman Barks 

Meeting fear with acceptance and wisdom

"If we do not turn inwards and train our mind, but instead expend all our energy on arranging and rearranging the external aspects of our existence, then our suffering will continue." 

We often worry about things beyond our control. So, if there's something I'm ruminating over, I often find it helpful to ask the question "How can I help myself right now?"  

The practice of mindfulness helps us to stay present, for our lived experience. As we practice mindfulness we are learning to respond to life in ways that are helpful, instead of reacting in ways that create suffering. 

In order to help ourselves, we must first be aware of how we are relating, to what is happening our lives. The first place we need to turn towards, is our inner experience. Taking a moment to connect with our lived experience in body, mind and heart is essential. 
Pausing, we connect with the breath, notice the quality of attention. With a real committment to be mindful to what is happening we ask:

• Is the mind scattered?
• What are the quality of thoughts? Worried, agitated, restless
• How is the body? Are there areas of tension perhaps in the shoulders, hands, or face?
• What about the breathing? Is the breath shallow or tight?
• Is there constriction or heaviness in the heart area?
• As you notice what you are holding in the mind, begin to allow thoughts to fade into the background and gently focus on the breath.
• Breathing in, feel the breath come into the nostrils, chest and belly.
• See if you can soften tension in the body and heart by breathing in and then softening on the exhale.
• Relax tension wherever you can.
• Feel sensations in the body and watch how they shift and change. 
• If you're overwhelmed, use the breath as an anchor to keep you in the present moment. Breathing in, stay present, breathing out, let go and soften where possible.
• Use the following mantra by the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh " Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.”

As we connect with our lived experience, we let go of living in stories or thoughts about how lfe should be and come to accept it the way it is. This is a very important shift, as we are able to connect, with the aliveness, energy and vibrant body, heart and mind. It is only when we open in this intimate way, that we can help ourselves. Otherwise, we're caught in the trap of trying to fix, rescue, dismiss or avoid what is happening in our lives. We're reacting instead of responding. Ultimately, we are trying to control that which we don't like, or we're clinging and trying to keep that which we like.

Underneath the need for control is fear

Underneath the need for control, is the wanting to know how things are going to be in the future. Questions arise about how long this good feeling, relationship or situation will last.  We want to feel safe and so it follows, that if we know what is going to happen, we can some how prevent it. While there is some truth to this, it's also true that we can't predict every outcome. Nor should we! Life is constantly changing and nothing is permanent. Every day we age a little bit more. People get sick, we lose loved ones, a job or material wealth. Many things can happen, that are beyond our control and this is the nature of life.  We can't predict what is going to happen as we move through our day. We can plan as best we can and then let go. The more we try to control the more we suffer.

In learning to plan and then take our hands off the controls, we learn to be connected to the life that's right here!  In shifting, from future or past, to present moment awareness we can begin to respond from a place of wisdom instead of a place of worry and catastrophizing. So the real question is can you live with the I don't know.

As Philip Moffitt, a Meditation Teacher at Spirit Rock states, "The proper response is when fear is present is threefold: 

• Continual mindfulness of the fear, 
• Deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, 
• Cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. 

You will find that the dharma will do the rest. 

May you be well 

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

Meditation as a grounding practice...

Why do we meditate?
Is it to better ourselves in some way so that we can have lasting happiness?

If you sit down to meditate with a set goal such as to be happy it can turn into an exercise in frustration. Making time to meditate means we're getting off the fast track through life so that we can connect with the life that is right here. We open to our lived experience, right here, right now. Sometimes it's more challenging than others as when we get swept away by our emotions and stories. Sometimes this can feel as if we are in the middle of a tornado and unable to see things clearly. Sitting down to meditate in the midst of emotional chaos with a set expectation regarding the outcome is not meditation. It's instead another way of resisting what is happening in our lives at the moment. When we are trying to make something happen it's usually because we are in some way resisting life. Instead if we approach meditation with the intention to help ourselves. We get off the reactivity ride and shift to responding in a way that helps us open to what is happening within us.

Meditation is a practice that helps us stay connected to our lived experience moment to moment. It is a practice that can help us learn to stay grounded and calm instead of reactive and agitated. It's when we open our awareness to explore what is going on within, without judging ourselves that we can reconnect with life as it is. We let go of defensive reactions and come into direct contact with the vulnerability that lies beneath the defense. We stop living life like a character in a novel.

Notice when you're caught up in a story...

I like to say that we're great storytellers and have a habit of taking events that happen in our lives and making up stories about what it means. As a result we sometimes end up living like a character in a novel. In reality, things that happen in the world around us aren't about us. When we take things personally and react by blaming, criticizing or getting defensive we escalate the pain that then leads to suffering. Meditation practice can help us notice how that reactivity is affecting our body, mind and heart. If I'm hurt and I sit down to meditate, instead of focusing on the situation or person that triggered the hurt I can begin to notice how the hurt shows up in my body. I pause...breathe and notice is there tension in my body? Is there a heaviness around my heart? I tune into the breath and notice if there is tension or pressure there. I begin to breathe in bringing compassion to the hurt. As I breathe in and allow the hurt to be there and meet it with compassion and acceptance. The intention is to turn towards the pain instead of lashing out at others. When I am able to do this it helps me to reground myself, to soothe the emotions. It also allows me to see when I am caught up in a story filled with defensiveness and reactivity. With this awareness I can begin to respond in healing ways. Meditation can help you develop the capacity to help yourself stay connected to life instead of the midst of a story about life.

Meditation is the path that helps us come back into balance with body, mind, heart and life. It's not about perfecting ourselves, it's about freeing ourselves from the stories and reactions that can keep us stuck and disconnected from the vibrant life that is right here. 

May you be peaceful

Meditation is...

Post by Wisdom Pills.

When Meditating...

Be patient
Be kind
Listen to the inner world of sensation

Offer good will towards yourself
Send it out to others
Open your heart to...
Compassion

Connect with the mind
That is spacious like the sky
Watch thoughts flow in and out
Feel the breath flow in and out
The ebb and flow of emotions and energy

Notice what it's like right here
Right now
Open, stable, attentive
In the moment

C. Ricardo 10-13-14

Beyond Coping there is life...

Today I was thinking about how precious life is. That each moment is a gift no matter what we're facing in life. It's sometimes a challenge to remember this as we get caught up in stories, opinions and drama. When we arrive right here, feeling our feet on the ground, the sensation of breathing, looking out and taking in our surroundings, this is a moment of pure awareness and it's a gift. I say it's a gift because when we step out our busyness and into life it's like seeing clearly for the first time. Our senses come alive and colors, sounds, sensations are more vibrant. Live each day with moments of mindfulness and your view of the world slowly shifts from one where things are happening to you, to one where you're interacting with life.

This is a wonderful passage from the book "Beyond Coping" by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. It's a reminder about what a gift it is to live in the present moment:

Beyond Coping

"You shouldn't chase after the past,

or place expectations on the future.

What is past

is left behind.

The future

is as yet unreached.

Whatever quality is present

you clearly see right there,

right there.

Not taken in,

unshaken,

that's how you develop the heart.

How can you practice this today? Pause and take a break to connect with this body, mind and heart. Notice what surrounds you and the aliveness within you. For this moment, meet whatever arises with awareness, loving kindness and curiosity.


May you be peaceful
May you be joyful
May you be safe

Open to Life, Love and Experience

When was the last time you were really aware of breathing in and out? Is there tightness or ease in the body?

Moments of checking in are important, as they helps us become aware of what we carry in our mind, body and heart.

In the midst of writing, I pause and notice that I'm  caught up in thinking, planning and worrying. As I connect with the body, I notice a buzzing sound in the head and a tightness in the legs. There's a feeling of restlessness and agitation in the body. Thoughts about the future enter and attached to them is a thread of anxiety. Anxiety begins to circle the heart and there's a tight feeling in the chest; a hand slowly closing into a fist. Can I let the worry thoughts be there without reacting to them as if they are true? Can I hold this experience in a compassionate and accepting embrace? Can I soften the tightness, gently breathing in and out and feel the sensation of the breath, the fullness on the inhale, the release on the exhale?

If I go through the day on auto pilot it's like living in a trance. I'm ungrounded and lost in the world of thoughts. Pausing allows me to connect deeply with what is happening right now. So I pause, become curious and explore by connecting with what is happening through inquiry. I notice:

• How is the body right now?
• How is the energy? 
• Am I reacting or responding?
• If I'm reacting is it possible to soften? To allow whatever energy is within to flow freely?
• Can I be open to what ever emotion is present? (sadness, joy, gratitude, love)

Pausing in this way, I immediately connect with the inner world of sensation and feel the vibrant aliveness that is here. This pausing, noticing and opening is an act of love and a act of mindfulness.

So how are you today? What sensations are felt in the body? Pause and notice. Open to the breath? Check in and send loving kindness to this body, this heart, this mind. Connect with the life that is right here.

May you be healthy

May you live with peace and ease

May you be peaceful

Meeting Reactivity wth Compassion

"Reactive responses are triggers and are like invisible land mines tied to deeper hurts, fears and pain. Meeting reactivity with compassion can help tame the reactive mind, body and heart." C. Ricardo

    

Are you aware of your triggers? How do you react when something painful or hurtful happens? Do you blame yourself or others? How does this affect you (body, mind and heart)?

     We all have triggers. There are certain situations, feelings or interactions that when touched set off a reactive/defensive response within us. This defensive response is often instinctual and automatic. It's a natural response to pain and meant to protect us from danger. However, it can backfire when we react in hurtful and wounding ways towards ourselves or others. So there is the pain that lies beneath the trigger and there is the defensive response that is meant to protect us but instead creates more distance, hurt and can potentially turn into  suffering.

The first arrow is the pain in life, the second is suffering...

     This reminds me of a story I heard about how Buddha approached teaching a student about suffering. Buddha asked the student, “If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful?” and the student replied “It is.” Then the Buddha asked, “If the person is struck by a second arrow, is that even more painful?”  again the student replied, “It is.” The Buddha then explained, “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”  

     The first arrow is the pain we encounter in life, the second arrow is the layer of thoughts, stories and meaning we attribute to the pain. This added layer is suffering. There are many instances where this happens in everyday life. You might be in a hurry to get to the office and stuck in traffic. As you sit there inching along, frustration begins to build. You begin feeling angry and impatient. Once your emotions are triggered your body responds by tensing up. Your heart begins to race and your muscles contract. By the time you get to the office, it feels like steam is coming out of your ears and when a co-worker greets you with a welcoming smile you lash out at them. Or maybe you made a mistake and dropped coffee on your brand new shirt and  your inner judge goes on the war path criticizing an shaming you for not paying attention. The point is that the problem isn't the trigger, it's the way we react to it. 

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." Victor Frankl

     Much of the time pain turns to suffering because we are in some way resisting our experience. We may be  caught up in the world of thoughts, emotions, past regrets or guilt or perhaps we're trying to control the situation or outcome. When we engage with what is happening in our lives in this way, we lose our ability to respond and instead are reacting, trying to fix or in some way control the outcome. We're usually doing this in an effort to dampen or avoid pain, but it doesn't work. In fact, it has the opposite effect of transforming pain to suffering. Meeting pain with resistance causes us to disconnect from our bodies, minds and hearts. It is this disconnection that creates suffering as we tend to go inwards and in doing so feel alone and adrift in a whirlwind of thoughts that may be filled with judgment and fear. To help ourselves, we need to shift back into connection, into the present moment. When we are triggered and pause before reacting, we're able to be present and that moment is an opportunity to shift from reacting to responding. If we really want to stay connected with our values, with the people that matter most in our lives (starting with yourself!) we must be willing to shift the reactive response to one of understanding, love and compassion. This shift is a moment of profound awareness as we notice how the reactive defense is affecting our body, mind, heart. This moment of awareness is a moment of mindfulness.

When challenging/painful situations arise meet the pain with compassion and mindfulness...

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." Carl G. Jung

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_jung.html#JX43ujOaSmepzu1I.99

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_jung.html#JX43ujOaSmepzu1I.99

     The first step towards helping ourselves is to become aware of when we are getting caught up in a story or when our emotions are so overwhelming that we and the emotion become fused. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed pause and reflect on the following questions:

• What is happening in your body right now? (Tension, heart rate is fast, breathing is shallow)
• How are your thoughts affecting you emotionally? (feeling hurt, sad, angry)
• What are you believing? (my partner doesn't love me)
• Before you react, can you pause and call on the breath to help you ground yourself?  
• As you breathe in really tune into the breath. Think of the breath as an act of self care that helps tame reactive emotions.  
• Notice how you' re caught up in reactivity; reacting to what is happening. 

We need to pause, breathe and bring a feeling of love and kindness towards ourselves. It's important to express understanding and acknowledge the difficulty we are experiencing in going through this challenging time, event, situation or feeling. This pausing and connecting helps us come back to the moment...it is only a first step but an important one.

Awareness, compassion and learning to stay in the face of pain are essential to healing and connection... 

Awareness is what can help us find our way back to connect with body, breath and life...An acronym that can help is R.A.I.N. it stands for:

Recognize - what is happening. That you've gotten hooked and drifted into thoughts or stories.

Allow - open to your experience. Bring acceptance to meet the pain. If sadness is present then name it and notice where you feel it in your body and pause..can you soften around the sadness...let go of resisting it or judging yourself for it (i.e. I'm weak or silly for feeling this).

Intimacy/Investigate - Get Intimate with what is happening - how are you reacting to your experience. Are you pushing it away? What is in need of attention or kindness?

Non-attachment - know that what you are experiencing (fear, sadness, anger) is an experience you are having and not who you are. For example some people will say I'm just a sad or angry person. You aren't sad every minute of the day and you can't be angry all the time. Being able to see what is happening without getting hooked to it helps you to be more open to the experience.

These are some tips on ways to begin to explore this healing practice.

May you be well

May you be free from suffering

May you be peaceful

Life and love are calling you...

Are you listening? Can you tune into your heart's deepest longing?

One way I tune in is by keeping a journal and taking mindfulness breaks through out the day. Sometimes I use quotes as writing prompts to reflect and connect with what's happening in my life. 

While some quotes are cliche and over used others are original words from individuals who give or have given of themselves. In writing down their experiences they pass their wisdom on through words and actions. The ones that bring inspiration are ones that help us shift our perspective on how we view and live life, love and ourselves. 

Leo Buscaglia's words are inspiring and filled with love and healing. He gave love, spoke about it and helped many students and people learn about the power of living life from a loving perspective. He lived life in service to helping others connect with compassion, love and life. The quote below is one that can inspire, help us pause and reflect on what matters most in life.

"DON'T MISS LOVE. It's an incredible gift. I love to think that the day you're born, you're given the world as your birthday present. It frightens me to think that so few people even bother to open up the ribbon! Rip it open! Tear off the top! It's just full of love and magic and joy and wonder and pain and tears. All of the things that are your gift for being human. Leo Buscaglia"

The prompts below can help you let go of living in your thoughts, the past/future and connect with the life that is right here and available to you right now:  (you can use a journal to jot down your responses):

• What I appreciate about today is....
• One thing I appreciate about myself is...
• One thing I appreciate about my loved ones are...
•  
• I feel fully alive when...
• What happiness feels like in my body...
• A healing way I can respond to sadness is...
• One activity that connects me to my breath, my body and this moment is...

It helps when we connect with the vibrant life that is right here. Once you complete the questions about take a moment and practice the following:

• Pause and connect with the breath as it comes into the body. (Not just taking the breath for granted and breathing in and out)
• Attune to the sensation of the breath coming into the body and flowing out. 
• Notice the fullness as you breath in and the possibility of relaxing and letting go as you breathe out. 
• Notice the sensations in the chest, lungs and belly as you take in a new breath...
• Appreciate this moment of pure awareness, of connecting with the life that's right here without stories or judgments. 

May you be happy
May you be peaceful

May you be well