What is Mindfulness?

Beautiful clip describing this practice. It is truly a gift to connect with and practice Mindfulness. Life becomes more than just a moving from one activity to the next and the next. We pause to actually be with what we're experiencing moment to moment. Instead of living in the world of thoughts, we live in a vibrant, alive, aware world; the world of living, loving and dying. We stop avoiding certain experiences and feelings and instead learn to open to life; connecting with wisdom (clear seeing) and compassion.

What you are seeking is right here...

Have you ever been on a quest to find the perfect person, place, feeling or thing?  What happens when you find it? Does it satisfy you? 

So it could be that we're looking for someone who will love us just the way we are and we want that person to be with us forever. We want to feel a sense of security and safety whether it's in relationship, at work or in the world. As humans we seek connection and security. We want to feel loved so we seek a partner who, when we're with them we experience a feeling of being treasured. Or we want to feel financially secure so we work long hours, and save every thing we can. But sometimes we go to the extreme. So we save our money but our social life is non-existant and when we are with our beloved we're irritable and exhausted. Caught up in the illusion of if only I had _____all will be well, we seek happiness and peace in the external world and end up like a cat chasing it's tail; occasionally they catch the tail but then it slips out of their grasp. So the wanting/seeking can be so intense to the point of being painful. This is what the Buddha called desire and with desire comes suffering/stress/dissatisfaction. 

Soon after "we" get what we want, we get bored, frustrated, criticize it or want more of it. It's like an insatiable monster that is never satisfied. The monster is the mind and what keeps us seeking are the way we relate to our thoughts. We often relate to thoughts as if they are true. Sometimes our thoughts follow a story line and pretty soon we've written a whole novel about something that hasn't happened, isn't happening and may never happen. Sometimes the story can be pleasant, unpleasant and sometimes it's just downright boring but in the end it's just a story. The reality is that life is passing and instead of connecting with the vibrancy and aliveness that surrounds us we are living in our heads. Our hearts are closed off and our aliveness is dulled. It's as Tara Brach,  meditation teacher and Psychotherapist says, it's like we're caught in a trance...we cut off from our bodies and we leave "this space of awareness that is the source and essence of all aliveness."  

Mindfulness Meditation helps us reconnect to life as it's happening....

Meditation helps us come into direct contact with what is happening within us, as it's happening.  As we come into stillness we watch the movement of the mind; we witness thoughts arising and passing awayAs we breathe and feel the breath come into the body we come into direct contact with this aliveness. The practice of meditation allows us to train the mind so that when it wanders off into thoughts we notice and that moment of noticing is a moment of mindfulness. It's a moment of connecting with the present, of opening to emotions, sensations and thoughts as they are happening. In Vipassana (Insight Meditation) practice we begin to investigate using the acronym of RAIN as follows:

Applying the acronym of R.A.I.N. is a great way to begin practicing mindfulness. Just the shift towards opening to this practice helps us to recognize that being present for our moment to moment experience, to be connected to our body, mind and heart, to see things as they really are and to respond in a way  that is healing and healthy is essential to our overall well-being. We begin to notice the the life around us, we open our hearts to each other. Not in some new age or "kumba ya" manner, but in an authentic, compassionate and kind manner. Why? Because we realize that we are all walking in the same direction. Everyone of us, no matter what we look like on the outside, or how much money we have/don't have, are made of the same matter. We have a body, mind and heart; are vulnerable to illness, old age, death and change and in the end the only thing we have control over is how we respond to life. As beautifully stated by Thich Nhat Hanh in the drawing below.

In the tug and pull of desire’s grip
I unravel
Tattered shreds of a once regal robe fall away
Nothing comes….nothing
I ride out the battle
with time and breath
time and breath
time and breath
Acceptance breezes in (crafty sage that she is)
Wraps this heart in sumptuous golden silk
Warms this heart to a trusting stillness, then
Leaves a knowing kiss upon this slowly smoothing brow.

Donna Sherman, “Acceptance”

The Gift of Meditation: Connecting with this Vibrant Life

Meditation is like medicine for the heart. It can be profoundly healing during times of stress, difficulty or when we're feeling overwhelmed. Instead of living in a world of virtual thoughts and reactions, we come back home to the vibrant life that is right here in our body, mind and heart. How do we do this? By consciously connecting with the breath and sensations in the body.

Awareness of breath is the first step towards reconnecting with life and wellbeing...

"Breathing is the bridge between mind and body, the connection between consciousness and unconsciousness, the movement of spirit in matter. Breath is the key to health and wellness, a function we can learn to regulate and develop in order to improve our physical, mental and spiritual well-being." Dr. Andrew Weil

Connecting to the breath, can be a first step towards developing awareness, about how we're relating to what to life. This conscious awareness is what helps us to notice when we're caught up in thoughts or beliefs. It helps us see, that what's happening in our lives isn't what causes suffering; it's the way we're relating to it. We can pause and shift out of reaction/thoughts/beliefs and notice how:

• the body is reacting to pain (tightening, heart racing, defenses arising)
• whats happening in the mind (reactive/defensive thoughts closes and contracts our ability to be open minded and our minds can feel closed and contracted i.e. narrow minded)
• what happens in the heart (we armor our hearts to try to protect ourselves from getting hurt only to experience deeper hurt).

This pausing, to step outside the world of thoughts and into our felt experience is actually freeing. We begin to see how our reaction to life is fueled by the way we think life should/shouldn't be. We notice how our whole being is caught up in resistance and how this intensifies the pain we encounter. With this insight we can begin to shift from reaction to response. We can begin to attune and respond with compassion to what is actually happening in the present moment. Breathing in, I meet tension with a compassionate breath, breathing out I soften the tension... Just tuning into the breath can begin to soften the contraction we experience when pain arises in body, mind and heart.

Meditation as a path to waking up....

Meditation helps us reconnect with the vibrant life that is right here. Instead of being caught up in stories, worries or concerns about past or future we come into contact with what is actually happening moment to moment. There is a stream of life that flows through us and when we pause to notice we reconnect with spacious, open awareness.

Gift yourself today by pausing to practice. It may seem like you don't have time...the question is do you have time to live? Do you have time to breathe? The answer is of course yes! Your body breathes and you need the breath to live...so take time to pause and connect with the life that's right here.

There is much more I can say about this practice. For today it's enough to know that this practice has  transformed the way I relate to others, myself and life and that is a gift!

Listen to this beautiful meditation by Jack Kornfield, a wise and wonderful teacher of mindfulness.




May you be peaceful and well

Meeting fear with acceptance and wisdom

"If we do not turn inwards and train our mind, but instead expend all our energy on arranging and rearranging the external aspects of our existence, then our suffering will continue." 

We often worry about things beyond our control. So, if there's something I'm ruminating over, I often find it helpful to ask the question "How can I help myself right now?"  

The practice of mindfulness helps us to stay present, for our lived experience. As we practice mindfulness we are learning to respond to life in ways that are helpful, instead of reacting in ways that create suffering. 

In order to help ourselves, we must first be aware of how we are relating, to what is happening our lives. The first place we need to turn towards, is our inner experience. Taking a moment to connect with our lived experience in body, mind and heart is essential. 
Pausing, we connect with the breath, notice the quality of attention. With a real committment to be mindful to what is happening we ask:

• Is the mind scattered?
• What are the quality of thoughts? Worried, agitated, restless
• How is the body? Are there areas of tension perhaps in the shoulders, hands, or face?
• What about the breathing? Is the breath shallow or tight?
• Is there constriction or heaviness in the heart area?
• As you notice what you are holding in the mind, begin to allow thoughts to fade into the background and gently focus on the breath.
• Breathing in, feel the breath come into the nostrils, chest and belly.
• See if you can soften tension in the body and heart by breathing in and then softening on the exhale.
• Relax tension wherever you can.
• Feel sensations in the body and watch how they shift and change. 
• If you're overwhelmed, use the breath as an anchor to keep you in the present moment. Breathing in, stay present, breathing out, let go and soften where possible.
• Use the following mantra by the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh " Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.”

As we connect with our lived experience, we let go of living in stories or thoughts about how lfe should be and come to accept it the way it is. This is a very important shift, as we are able to connect, with the aliveness, energy and vibrant body, heart and mind. It is only when we open in this intimate way, that we can help ourselves. Otherwise, we're caught in the trap of trying to fix, rescue, dismiss or avoid what is happening in our lives. We're reacting instead of responding. Ultimately, we are trying to control that which we don't like, or we're clinging and trying to keep that which we like.

Underneath the need for control is fear

Underneath the need for control, is the wanting to know how things are going to be in the future. Questions arise about how long this good feeling, relationship or situation will last.  We want to feel safe and so it follows, that if we know what is going to happen, we can some how prevent it. While there is some truth to this, it's also true that we can't predict every outcome. Nor should we! Life is constantly changing and nothing is permanent. Every day we age a little bit more. People get sick, we lose loved ones, a job or material wealth. Many things can happen, that are beyond our control and this is the nature of life.  We can't predict what is going to happen as we move through our day. We can plan as best we can and then let go. The more we try to control the more we suffer.

In learning to plan and then take our hands off the controls, we learn to be connected to the life that's right here!  In shifting, from future or past, to present moment awareness we can begin to respond from a place of wisdom instead of a place of worry and catastrophizing. So the real question is can you live with the I don't know.

As Philip Moffitt, a Meditation Teacher at Spirit Rock states, "The proper response is when fear is present is threefold: 

• Continual mindfulness of the fear, 
• Deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, 
• Cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. 

You will find that the dharma will do the rest. 

May you be well 

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

See Life as it Truly is...let go of black and white thinking...

Beyond views of right/wrong there is life....

Sometimes we get caught up in seeing life as right/wrong, good/bad or through the filter of should/shouldn't. We judge ourselves or others and use labels such as he is good/kind or mean/bad person. These labels create separation and pain and we miss out on seeing the whole person. We see the behavior not the person. We are all human and made up of light and shadow. Sometimes our actions come from a place of love, kindness and understanding. Sometimes our actions come from hurt, resentment, and pain. Meeting pain with more pain (judgment and shame) leads to  disconnection and suffering. Looking at each other as humans who are vulnerable, who have a need for love and connection can help us soften our reactivity and defensiveness.

Today take the opportunity to really look...see the person beyond the behavior...look with compassion, love and understanding. It is often when we open our hearts, when we're vulnerable that we can see beyond the surface. Sometimes we label because we ourselves are afraid of getting hurt. Take time to really connect with what is happening within you as you connect with the world
. 
I love this poem by Rumi which speaks to this:

Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field.  I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn't make any sense.

May you be peaceful...

In Search of Happiness?

"True happiness is something that, by its nature, gets spread around.” Buddha

It seems a no brainer that if I were to ask, if you want to be happy, your response would be a resounding Yes! I believe that all of us want to be happy and what often gets in the way is when we seek it in things, people or status.

• So when was the last time you felt happy? 
• What does happiness mean to you?
• Is it money, relationship or peace of mind?

I'll be happy when...and if...

Have you ever found yourself saying or thinking these words?  Prior to learning and practicing mindfulness, I found myself yearning for things to be different. I really believed, if only things were different (more money, more time, less worry) I'd be happy. So I'd dwell in the world of "what if and if only and was miserable. My attention and energy were hooked in pursuing happiness in things and trying to control the world around me. This just kept me racing through life and getting no where. It was exhausting and I was piling on more stress to what was already a stressful. 

The awakened heart opens us to life

We come into balance when we learn to let go of reacting to stress or trying to control the world around us or within. When we learn to respond instead of react to challenges in life with acceptance and compassion we're able to reconnect with the vibrancy around us.  We're able to feel more connected to the things that nourish the mind and cultivate loving connection. This allows us to open to life. We see both the beauty and the suffering and don't judge one as better than the other. So instead of turning our eyes away and closing our hearts to suffering, we're able to stay present and respond with compassion and loving kindness.  It can be challenging to do this as letting our guard down and opening our hearts is counter intuitive. It goes against striving and survival. The benefits out weigh the challenges.  When we approach life with an awakened heart it opens us to life, love and our energy that is tied up in worry is free to appreciate life in the moment. Even when things are difficult, when we practice mindfulness we have more clarity of mind, our hearts are more open to life, compassion and happiness.

Mindfulness is a conscious choice...

All of this is great in theory but mindfulness is not about theories. It is about the lived experience. Right now pause and notice the following:

• What's the body like in this moment as you read this? 
• What emotion is felt? 
• Has this article triggered memories from the past? Hope for the future? 

As you finish reading this take at least a five minute break and:

• Close  your eyes and tune into the body
• Breathing in feel the sensation of breath coming into the body
• Breathing out soften and relax the body and heart.

Take time to consciously connect with this moment. It truly is a gift and can lead to meeting life with acceptance, compassion and happiness.

May you be well

Expand your world view and open to life and love...Part 1

To see things from a different perspective and expand our view of  the world is to be open to life and everything in it. When we open our mind, heart and body to pain, joy, love and life, we shift from a narrow view based on past experiences, hurts, joys, and sadness to see things from another perspective. This opening to life helps us grow and also opens our heart to connect with all of life.

Opening to awareness, compassion and acceptance allows us to experience all of life. The pleasant and unpleasant. We can't grow and heal if we remain closed to certain experiences.

When we are fearful and tighten up in response to fear we become paralyzed and only experience a fraction of life. We get stuck in our view of the world and it's like being trapped in a room where the windows are painted on. We don't see the world; everyone and everything in it for all the wonder, beauty, sorrow, pain, joy that it holds. We only see our narrow view of it. This limits how we experience others as we only see fragments of the people we come into contact with. We may judge others and look for those whose world view is like ours in an effort to stay "comfortable and safe, ". The irony is that in trying to stay "safe" we end up stuck in a room with our own fears, hurts, defenses, etc. We may get glimpses of how expansive the world is and how expansive we are beyond the small fearful self but again we retreat at any sign of fear, threat, etc.

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. .”
― Stephen Russell, Barefoot Doctor's Guide to the Tao: A Spiritual Handbook for the Urban Warrior

Opening your eyes to see from another's perspective can bring healing and growth... 

In opening our minds to see the world through other eyes we get a different perspective on life. We learn about each others wishes, hopes, dreams, sadness and pain. This is a moment of profound connection of opening our hearts and really wanting to be present to life and each other.

It's challenging and fear can arise with each step we take.  We move out of our comfort zone into  the unknown world of other. In beginning to expand our world view, opening our mind and heart to each other we begin to see beyond the small self, beyond ego and here lies the potential for healing and growth. Seeing the world from a different perspective can help us grow in areas where we are stuck. It can help us heal past hurts and begin to free up our energy so that we can be more connected with our aliveness (ability to feel, act, think and sense). We begin to see the full richness of the world around us; the colors, fragrance, emotions, sensations, etc. This stepping out of the old way of seeing and doing things is uncomfortable and scary. If you really want to feel alive, if you want to experience new things then you must open to life.

 

It really is a choice; to live on guard and at war with self and others or to be open and vulnerable and yes, risk the possibility of getting hurt.

Which do you choose?

Until next time...

May you be well... 

P.S. I will be posting a 2nd part to this with steps on how to help you practice opening the mind and heart. Questions? Please feel free to contact me. :-)

 

Life and love are calling you...

Are you listening? Can you tune into your heart's deepest longing?

One way I tune in is by keeping a journal and taking mindfulness breaks through out the day. Sometimes I use quotes as writing prompts to reflect and connect with what's happening in my life. 

While some quotes are cliche and over used others are original words from individuals who give or have given of themselves. In writing down their experiences they pass their wisdom on through words and actions. The ones that bring inspiration are ones that help us shift our perspective on how we view and live life, love and ourselves. 

Leo Buscaglia's words are inspiring and filled with love and healing. He gave love, spoke about it and helped many students and people learn about the power of living life from a loving perspective. He lived life in service to helping others connect with compassion, love and life. The quote below is one that can inspire, help us pause and reflect on what matters most in life.

"DON'T MISS LOVE. It's an incredible gift. I love to think that the day you're born, you're given the world as your birthday present. It frightens me to think that so few people even bother to open up the ribbon! Rip it open! Tear off the top! It's just full of love and magic and joy and wonder and pain and tears. All of the things that are your gift for being human. Leo Buscaglia"

The prompts below can help you let go of living in your thoughts, the past/future and connect with the life that is right here and available to you right now:  (you can use a journal to jot down your responses):

• What I appreciate about today is....
• One thing I appreciate about myself is...
• One thing I appreciate about my loved ones are...
•  
• I feel fully alive when...
• What happiness feels like in my body...
• A healing way I can respond to sadness is...
• One activity that connects me to my breath, my body and this moment is...

It helps when we connect with the vibrant life that is right here. Once you complete the questions about take a moment and practice the following:

• Pause and connect with the breath as it comes into the body. (Not just taking the breath for granted and breathing in and out)
• Attune to the sensation of the breath coming into the body and flowing out. 
• Notice the fullness as you breath in and the possibility of relaxing and letting go as you breathe out. 
• Notice the sensations in the chest, lungs and belly as you take in a new breath...
• Appreciate this moment of pure awareness, of connecting with the life that's right here without stories or judgments. 

May you be happy
May you be peaceful

May you be well