The Gift of Meditation: Connecting with this Vibrant Life

Meditation is like medicine for the heart. It can be profoundly healing during times of stress, difficulty or when we're feeling overwhelmed. Instead of living in a world of virtual thoughts and reactions, we come back home to the vibrant life that is right here in our body, mind and heart. How do we do this? By consciously connecting with the breath and sensations in the body.

Awareness of breath is the first step towards reconnecting with life and wellbeing...

"Breathing is the bridge between mind and body, the connection between consciousness and unconsciousness, the movement of spirit in matter. Breath is the key to health and wellness, a function we can learn to regulate and develop in order to improve our physical, mental and spiritual well-being." Dr. Andrew Weil

Connecting to the breath, can be a first step towards developing awareness, about how we're relating to what to life. This conscious awareness is what helps us to notice when we're caught up in thoughts or beliefs. It helps us see, that what's happening in our lives isn't what causes suffering; it's the way we're relating to it. We can pause and shift out of reaction/thoughts/beliefs and notice how:

• the body is reacting to pain (tightening, heart racing, defenses arising)
• whats happening in the mind (reactive/defensive thoughts closes and contracts our ability to be open minded and our minds can feel closed and contracted i.e. narrow minded)
• what happens in the heart (we armor our hearts to try to protect ourselves from getting hurt only to experience deeper hurt).

This pausing, to step outside the world of thoughts and into our felt experience is actually freeing. We begin to see how our reaction to life is fueled by the way we think life should/shouldn't be. We notice how our whole being is caught up in resistance and how this intensifies the pain we encounter. With this insight we can begin to shift from reaction to response. We can begin to attune and respond with compassion to what is actually happening in the present moment. Breathing in, I meet tension with a compassionate breath, breathing out I soften the tension... Just tuning into the breath can begin to soften the contraction we experience when pain arises in body, mind and heart.

Meditation as a path to waking up....

Meditation helps us reconnect with the vibrant life that is right here. Instead of being caught up in stories, worries or concerns about past or future we come into contact with what is actually happening moment to moment. There is a stream of life that flows through us and when we pause to notice we reconnect with spacious, open awareness.

Gift yourself today by pausing to practice. It may seem like you don't have time...the question is do you have time to live? Do you have time to breathe? The answer is of course yes! Your body breathes and you need the breath to live...so take time to pause and connect with the life that's right here.

There is much more I can say about this practice. For today it's enough to know that this practice has  transformed the way I relate to others, myself and life and that is a gift!

Listen to this beautiful meditation by Jack Kornfield, a wise and wonderful teacher of mindfulness.




May you be peaceful and well

How Self Compassion Helps us

During stressful and challenging times how do you talk to yourself? How does your body react to stress? What is your interaction like with others? Is it easier to be compassionate towards others, children, pets, a stranger than it is to feel this towards yourself?

If you notice that your self talk is loaded with criticism and judgment when life gets challenging, you're not alone. When we make mistakes or life doesn't go according to plan we tend to become judgmental, harsh, critical towards ourselves when we make a mistake. Behind this painful reaction, is a desire to stop ourselves from making future mistakes! However, mistakes are a part of being human. So, if we are prone to make mistakes does it make sense to beat ourselves up for making them? Not! So why do we do it? And how we can learn to shift from self criticism and judgment to self compassion? 

Turning towards the pain and softening defenses

Self compassion is a way of accepting ourselves and also accepting that in moments of frustration, or emotional turmoil there is pain. In that moment of acknowledging the pain, we can tap into wisdom and choose what is is the most healing way to meet this.  It is a moment where we can reconnecting with what helps us flow through the pain and also to see what needs to happen, or how to proceed so that we can take action based on what helps rather than what keeps us locked in the need to be right. And there is so much more to how this practice helps and why it's essential to our emotional well being and our need to stay open hearted and open minded.

I'd like to share with you a beautiful video by Kristin Neff, a top researcher on this subject and author of Self Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Please give yourself this gift of learning how to be kind and compassionate with yourself. It is truly a gift to you and to everyone and every living being you come into contact with.  

Meeting fear with acceptance and wisdom

"If we do not turn inwards and train our mind, but instead expend all our energy on arranging and rearranging the external aspects of our existence, then our suffering will continue." 

We often worry about things beyond our control. So, if there's something I'm ruminating over, I often find it helpful to ask the question "How can I help myself right now?"  

The practice of mindfulness helps us to stay present, for our lived experience. As we practice mindfulness we are learning to respond to life in ways that are helpful, instead of reacting in ways that create suffering. 

In order to help ourselves, we must first be aware of how we are relating, to what is happening our lives. The first place we need to turn towards, is our inner experience. Taking a moment to connect with our lived experience in body, mind and heart is essential. 
Pausing, we connect with the breath, notice the quality of attention. With a real committment to be mindful to what is happening we ask:

• Is the mind scattered?
• What are the quality of thoughts? Worried, agitated, restless
• How is the body? Are there areas of tension perhaps in the shoulders, hands, or face?
• What about the breathing? Is the breath shallow or tight?
• Is there constriction or heaviness in the heart area?
• As you notice what you are holding in the mind, begin to allow thoughts to fade into the background and gently focus on the breath.
• Breathing in, feel the breath come into the nostrils, chest and belly.
• See if you can soften tension in the body and heart by breathing in and then softening on the exhale.
• Relax tension wherever you can.
• Feel sensations in the body and watch how they shift and change. 
• If you're overwhelmed, use the breath as an anchor to keep you in the present moment. Breathing in, stay present, breathing out, let go and soften where possible.
• Use the following mantra by the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh " Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.”

As we connect with our lived experience, we let go of living in stories or thoughts about how lfe should be and come to accept it the way it is. This is a very important shift, as we are able to connect, with the aliveness, energy and vibrant body, heart and mind. It is only when we open in this intimate way, that we can help ourselves. Otherwise, we're caught in the trap of trying to fix, rescue, dismiss or avoid what is happening in our lives. We're reacting instead of responding. Ultimately, we are trying to control that which we don't like, or we're clinging and trying to keep that which we like.

Underneath the need for control is fear

Underneath the need for control, is the wanting to know how things are going to be in the future. Questions arise about how long this good feeling, relationship or situation will last.  We want to feel safe and so it follows, that if we know what is going to happen, we can some how prevent it. While there is some truth to this, it's also true that we can't predict every outcome. Nor should we! Life is constantly changing and nothing is permanent. Every day we age a little bit more. People get sick, we lose loved ones, a job or material wealth. Many things can happen, that are beyond our control and this is the nature of life.  We can't predict what is going to happen as we move through our day. We can plan as best we can and then let go. The more we try to control the more we suffer.

In learning to plan and then take our hands off the controls, we learn to be connected to the life that's right here!  In shifting, from future or past, to present moment awareness we can begin to respond from a place of wisdom instead of a place of worry and catastrophizing. So the real question is can you live with the I don't know.

As Philip Moffitt, a Meditation Teacher at Spirit Rock states, "The proper response is when fear is present is threefold: 

• Continual mindfulness of the fear, 
• Deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, 
• Cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. 

You will find that the dharma will do the rest. 

May you be well 

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

The proper response is threefold: continual mindfulness of the fear, deep compassion for the suffering it is causing, and cultivation of equanimity that allows you to stay with it. You will find that the dharma will do the rest. - See more at: http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/freedom-fear#sthash.M3wYxldF.dpuf

Meditation as a grounding practice...

Why do we meditate?
Is it to better ourselves in some way so that we can have lasting happiness?

If you sit down to meditate with a set goal such as to be happy it can turn into an exercise in frustration. Making time to meditate means we're getting off the fast track through life so that we can connect with the life that is right here. We open to our lived experience, right here, right now. Sometimes it's more challenging than others as when we get swept away by our emotions and stories. Sometimes this can feel as if we are in the middle of a tornado and unable to see things clearly. Sitting down to meditate in the midst of emotional chaos with a set expectation regarding the outcome is not meditation. It's instead another way of resisting what is happening in our lives at the moment. When we are trying to make something happen it's usually because we are in some way resisting life. Instead if we approach meditation with the intention to help ourselves. We get off the reactivity ride and shift to responding in a way that helps us open to what is happening within us.

Meditation is a practice that helps us stay connected to our lived experience moment to moment. It is a practice that can help us learn to stay grounded and calm instead of reactive and agitated. It's when we open our awareness to explore what is going on within, without judging ourselves that we can reconnect with life as it is. We let go of defensive reactions and come into direct contact with the vulnerability that lies beneath the defense. We stop living life like a character in a novel.

Notice when you're caught up in a story...

I like to say that we're great storytellers and have a habit of taking events that happen in our lives and making up stories about what it means. As a result we sometimes end up living like a character in a novel. In reality, things that happen in the world around us aren't about us. When we take things personally and react by blaming, criticizing or getting defensive we escalate the pain that then leads to suffering. Meditation practice can help us notice how that reactivity is affecting our body, mind and heart. If I'm hurt and I sit down to meditate, instead of focusing on the situation or person that triggered the hurt I can begin to notice how the hurt shows up in my body. I pause...breathe and notice is there tension in my body? Is there a heaviness around my heart? I tune into the breath and notice if there is tension or pressure there. I begin to breathe in bringing compassion to the hurt. As I breathe in and allow the hurt to be there and meet it with compassion and acceptance. The intention is to turn towards the pain instead of lashing out at others. When I am able to do this it helps me to reground myself, to soothe the emotions. It also allows me to see when I am caught up in a story filled with defensiveness and reactivity. With this awareness I can begin to respond in healing ways. Meditation can help you develop the capacity to help yourself stay connected to life instead of the midst of a story about life.

Meditation is the path that helps us come back into balance with body, mind, heart and life. It's not about perfecting ourselves, it's about freeing ourselves from the stories and reactions that can keep us stuck and disconnected from the vibrant life that is right here. 

May you be peaceful

Shift from reacting to responding with a compassionate heart...

Whether you're aware of it or not we all have our hots spots or sensitive issues that go off when we're triggered by some action, word, sight or sound that sets off any feeling of pain or discomfort. I say that our default button is set on react and defend rather than relate and respond when we get triggered. It's not you're fault, my fault or anyone's. It's a survival mechanism that's helped us survive since we've been on this planet. So the problem isn't this survival mechanism. The problem starts when we are reacting to things that aren't dangerous and life threatening as if they were. When this happens I say that our default button is hyper sensitive and becomes trigger happy. When we react to situations, thoughts, external events as if they are a threat we suffer. We suffer because the moment we're triggered and go into reactive mode we either push others away, withdraw and isolate ourselves or attack with words of physical violence. So the thing that we are usually seeking, which is safety becomes elusive because of our actions. (unless you are really in danger such as being stalked by a lion, or someone is trying to mug you in which case you need to react!) It's not just safety we're seeking it is also connection. We want to feel heard, seen, understood and loved. Both safety and connection are essential to our well-being. Without them our emotional and physical well being suffers. So how do we help ourselves? 

Notice what happens to your body, mind and heart when you are triggered...

One way is to begin to notice what happens to your body, mind and heart when you get triggered. What triggered you isn't as important as your reaction to the trigger. So you can get caught up in the content or story or you can begin to notice how you are reacting to the situation. For example, say that I am on my way to meeting and am running late. As I get on the expressway I notice that traffic is very slow and I end up stuck in  a traffic jam for the next 30 minutes. I can either spend those 30 minutes cursing the traffic and drivers around me, beating myself up for not leaving earlier, feeling angry at my boss for scheduling a meeting at this time or I can begin to notice how I'm reacting to the situation. I might notice that my muscles are tense and I feel anxiety in my belly. Instead of feeding the anxiety with worry thoughts, I might begin to breathe and allow the anxiety to be there. Along with being present with these feelings I can bring a feeling of compassion to the anxiety in acknowledgment that this is a moment of suffering. Being compassionate is what helps alleviate the suffering and it can also help to calm the body, mind and heart. Just like this small example there are many different examples that you can use from your own life to help yourself during times of stress and suffering. These moments are pivotal in learning how to shift from living mindlessly and reacting to life to living mindfully and responding to pain with a compassionate and wakeful presence. One keeps you stuck in a place of pain and the other helps you respond to pain and move through it in a compassionate way. 

Learn to cultivate a peaceful and loving heart...

See the world with an open and awakened heart instead of a judgmental, stressed out and reactive body, mind and heart. 

• Take breaks throughout your day to be present in your body and pause the torrents of thoughts, stories and reactions.
• You might practice with one word such as Peace...breathe in peace...breathe out peace 

This is a gift of living, breathing and being present and connected with this precious life around and within. Practice compassion and loving kindness to live mindfully and awaken the heart.

May you be peaceful

In Search of Happiness?

"True happiness is something that, by its nature, gets spread around.” Buddha

It seems a no brainer that if I were to ask, if you want to be happy, your response would be a resounding Yes! I believe that all of us want to be happy and what often gets in the way is when we seek it in things, people or status.

• So when was the last time you felt happy? 
• What does happiness mean to you?
• Is it money, relationship or peace of mind?

I'll be happy when...and if...

Have you ever found yourself saying or thinking these words?  Prior to learning and practicing mindfulness, I found myself yearning for things to be different. I really believed, if only things were different (more money, more time, less worry) I'd be happy. So I'd dwell in the world of "what if and if only and was miserable. My attention and energy were hooked in pursuing happiness in things and trying to control the world around me. This just kept me racing through life and getting no where. It was exhausting and I was piling on more stress to what was already a stressful. 

The awakened heart opens us to life

We come into balance when we learn to let go of reacting to stress or trying to control the world around us or within. When we learn to respond instead of react to challenges in life with acceptance and compassion we're able to reconnect with the vibrancy around us.  We're able to feel more connected to the things that nourish the mind and cultivate loving connection. This allows us to open to life. We see both the beauty and the suffering and don't judge one as better than the other. So instead of turning our eyes away and closing our hearts to suffering, we're able to stay present and respond with compassion and loving kindness.  It can be challenging to do this as letting our guard down and opening our hearts is counter intuitive. It goes against striving and survival. The benefits out weigh the challenges.  When we approach life with an awakened heart it opens us to life, love and our energy that is tied up in worry is free to appreciate life in the moment. Even when things are difficult, when we practice mindfulness we have more clarity of mind, our hearts are more open to life, compassion and happiness.

Mindfulness is a conscious choice...

All of this is great in theory but mindfulness is not about theories. It is about the lived experience. Right now pause and notice the following:

• What's the body like in this moment as you read this? 
• What emotion is felt? 
• Has this article triggered memories from the past? Hope for the future? 

As you finish reading this take at least a five minute break and:

• Close  your eyes and tune into the body
• Breathing in feel the sensation of breath coming into the body
• Breathing out soften and relax the body and heart.

Take time to consciously connect with this moment. It truly is a gift and can lead to meeting life with acceptance, compassion and happiness.

May you be well