Three words that create connection...How are you?

Do you take the time to really see the people you come into contact with? I am guilty of saying what's expected. So someone asks me how's my day and I automatically say good or fine...but this isn't always true. So,  I was really surprised when I asked the cashier at the grocery store how she was doing and she gave me an honest answer... After my initial surprise I took in what she said and responded with understanding and compassion. Her response to this was a true appreciation for having been heard, seen and validated. Just three words,  a real desire to connect and an interest in a persons wellbeing can make a difference on both sides. I felt empathy and she felt gratitude. I'm not suggesting that you go around sharing your life story with everyone! But pausing to really connect with others helps us get out of our heads and into life!

Checking in to see how you're doing is an act of care and compassion...

A good practice is to use this question as a way to check in with yourself...what are you thinking, how are those thoughts affecting your emotions, does it escalate the feelings, are you reacting or responding... It is an opportunity to come into the present moment and see if there is a need to slow things down and really connect with what is happening... This in turn gives you a chance to begin to respond in a way that is healing. It could be pausing to breathe, or give yourself a break from thinking, doing, acting or being. So go ahead and give it a try! When you take care of yourself the world becomes a brighter place, you feel balanced and are able to connect from a place of abundance. 

Here's a beautiful podcast by Buddhist Meditation Teacher and Psychotherapist Tara Brach where she guides us on how to practice checking in and explains the benefits of this loving practice.

May you have moments of peace
May your heart be filled with compassion
May you be free from suffering

Staying Grounded in the Midst of an Emotional Storm...

When you are in the middle of an emotional storm it is hard to stay grounded. The emotion can come on so strong and so suddenly that you are swept up in the feelings and end up saying and doing things, behaving in ways that are irrational and hurtful. Whether you are hurtful toward yourself or others there is a real need to learn how to help yourself through the emotion. Emotions are like the waves of the ocean they are meant to flow through you. What stops this from happening is that our thoughts pair up with the emotion and then we are off and running into stories that are laden with negativity, and fear. It is out of this fear that we often react in ways that aren't helpful. So the next time you find yourself triggered and getting primed to react try the following:

• Become aware of the signals your body is reacting to thoughts or feelings (hands clenched, jaw tight, blood rushing to your face, heartbeat racing).
• Begin to connect with your breath. Not just breathing, actually attuning to the sensation of the breath enter through the nostrils and feeling the breath fill your chest, lungs and as the diaphragm lifts feel your belly rise. 
• Count each breath slowly 1........2......3.....4....5....and as you breathe out try and soften the places of tension in your body.
• Use a mantra to help soothe the emotions. A mantra can be a positive statement made in present tense such as I breathe in peace, I breathe out peace. Continue until you begin to feel calmness come into your body and the mind is more settled.
• Take care of yourself as long as you need to before addressing the issue.
• Exlplore what you need in the moment rather than sharing a story filled with judgment, criticism and blame. Instead of telling your partner "You are so selfish.." connect with what came up for you and express this in an "I" statement. An example would be, " I really wanted you to listen to me and understand my feelings."

Above all know that when you practice mindfulness in moments of intense reactivity you are making a healthy choice to stay present and tend to what is happening in the moment and that is a very loving and compassionate act.

May you be well
May you be peaceful
May you be free of suffering...

Looking for love....

Sometimes we are looking for happiness, love, healing, acceptance on the outside. It can feel like there is a void or some deep wound that is in need of filling/healing but since we're not in touch with it we seek to fill it with people, places and things. It's not wrong to want connection or to want to feel supported, accepted and loved but when this need becomes so big that you are in constant need of reassurance, or when it becomes a way of trying to heal the wound then it can lead to intense suffering. Seeking love on the outside doesn't work because if that love, happiness, acceptance and healing doesn't live within you, then taking it in and being able to hold this feeling in your heart is like trying to hold on to water.

The path to healing begins when we are able to respond to our our wounds, hurts/feelings and the actual healing starts with our ability to feel self compassion during those times when life becomes challenging. What helps us stay connected with life and others is our ability to acknowledge when we are judging ourselves or others and be willing to allow compassion to fill our hearts. This is what heals, this is what connects. So open your mind,let the judgment fade into the background,and let your heart open to compassion. When you do this the void within begins to fill and from that place of fullness you can give and take in love, support, happiness and connect with life.

How do you practice self-compassion?

It can be difficult and awkward when practicing self-compassion for the first time. Having steps or a guide can help. Watch this video by Tara Brach where she talks about how cultivating compassion and practice with her as she guides participants in the practice of self compassion.



May you be well

May you be peaceful

May your heart be filled with compassion

Thoughts often increase the pain in life...

When you are suffering, when all seems hopeless and you are feeling despair,bring awareness to your thoughts. What are you believing? How is this growing your emotional pain? It's not about denying the pain you are experiencing...it's noticing when you are adding to the pain and transforming pain into suffering. Thoughts are not just held in the mind, they often feed the emotion that is triggered by the thought. If I am anxious or fearful and begin to panic I might start having fearful thoughts, I create a story about what catastrophe is around the corner and when I do this my body begins to prepare and goes into flight, fight, attack mode. One way to help soothe the emotions is to bring compassion to the pain, let your thougths fade into the background...be free...breathe in peace...breathe out stress