Open to Life, Love and Experience

When was the last time you were really aware of breathing in and out? Is there tightness or ease in the body?

Moments of checking in are important, as they helps us become aware of what we carry in our mind, body and heart.

In the midst of writing, I pause and notice that I'm  caught up in thinking, planning and worrying. As I connect with the body, I notice a buzzing sound in the head and a tightness in the legs. There's a feeling of restlessness and agitation in the body. Thoughts about the future enter and attached to them is a thread of anxiety. Anxiety begins to circle the heart and there's a tight feeling in the chest; a hand slowly closing into a fist. Can I let the worry thoughts be there without reacting to them as if they are true? Can I hold this experience in a compassionate and accepting embrace? Can I soften the tightness, gently breathing in and out and feel the sensation of the breath, the fullness on the inhale, the release on the exhale?

If I go through the day on auto pilot it's like living in a trance. I'm ungrounded and lost in the world of thoughts. Pausing allows me to connect deeply with what is happening right now. So I pause, become curious and explore by connecting with what is happening through inquiry. I notice:

• How is the body right now?
• How is the energy? 
• Am I reacting or responding?
• If I'm reacting is it possible to soften? To allow whatever energy is within to flow freely?
• Can I be open to what ever emotion is present? (sadness, joy, gratitude, love)

Pausing in this way, I immediately connect with the inner world of sensation and feel the vibrant aliveness that is here. This pausing, noticing and opening is an act of love and a act of mindfulness.

So how are you today? What sensations are felt in the body? Pause and notice. Open to the breath? Check in and send loving kindness to this body, this heart, this mind. Connect with the life that is right here.

May you be healthy

May you live with peace and ease

May you be peaceful

Meeting Reactivity wth Compassion

"Reactive responses are triggers and are like invisible land mines tied to deeper hurts, fears and pain. Meeting reactivity with compassion can help tame the reactive mind, body and heart." C. Ricardo

    

Are you aware of your triggers? How do you react when something painful or hurtful happens? Do you blame yourself or others? How does this affect you (body, mind and heart)?

     We all have triggers. There are certain situations, feelings or interactions that when touched set off a reactive/defensive response within us. This defensive response is often instinctual and automatic. It's a natural response to pain and meant to protect us from danger. However, it can backfire when we react in hurtful and wounding ways towards ourselves or others. So there is the pain that lies beneath the trigger and there is the defensive response that is meant to protect us but instead creates more distance, hurt and can potentially turn into  suffering.

The first arrow is the pain in life, the second is suffering...

     This reminds me of a story I heard about how Buddha approached teaching a student about suffering. Buddha asked the student, “If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful?” and the student replied “It is.” Then the Buddha asked, “If the person is struck by a second arrow, is that even more painful?”  again the student replied, “It is.” The Buddha then explained, “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”  

     The first arrow is the pain we encounter in life, the second arrow is the layer of thoughts, stories and meaning we attribute to the pain. This added layer is suffering. There are many instances where this happens in everyday life. You might be in a hurry to get to the office and stuck in traffic. As you sit there inching along, frustration begins to build. You begin feeling angry and impatient. Once your emotions are triggered your body responds by tensing up. Your heart begins to race and your muscles contract. By the time you get to the office, it feels like steam is coming out of your ears and when a co-worker greets you with a welcoming smile you lash out at them. Or maybe you made a mistake and dropped coffee on your brand new shirt and  your inner judge goes on the war path criticizing an shaming you for not paying attention. The point is that the problem isn't the trigger, it's the way we react to it. 

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." Victor Frankl

     Much of the time pain turns to suffering because we are in some way resisting our experience. We may be  caught up in the world of thoughts, emotions, past regrets or guilt or perhaps we're trying to control the situation or outcome. When we engage with what is happening in our lives in this way, we lose our ability to respond and instead are reacting, trying to fix or in some way control the outcome. We're usually doing this in an effort to dampen or avoid pain, but it doesn't work. In fact, it has the opposite effect of transforming pain to suffering. Meeting pain with resistance causes us to disconnect from our bodies, minds and hearts. It is this disconnection that creates suffering as we tend to go inwards and in doing so feel alone and adrift in a whirlwind of thoughts that may be filled with judgment and fear. To help ourselves, we need to shift back into connection, into the present moment. When we are triggered and pause before reacting, we're able to be present and that moment is an opportunity to shift from reacting to responding. If we really want to stay connected with our values, with the people that matter most in our lives (starting with yourself!) we must be willing to shift the reactive response to one of understanding, love and compassion. This shift is a moment of profound awareness as we notice how the reactive defense is affecting our body, mind, heart. This moment of awareness is a moment of mindfulness.

When challenging/painful situations arise meet the pain with compassion and mindfulness...

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." Carl G. Jung

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_jung.html#JX43ujOaSmepzu1I.99

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_jung.html#JX43ujOaSmepzu1I.99

     The first step towards helping ourselves is to become aware of when we are getting caught up in a story or when our emotions are so overwhelming that we and the emotion become fused. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed pause and reflect on the following questions:

• What is happening in your body right now? (Tension, heart rate is fast, breathing is shallow)
• How are your thoughts affecting you emotionally? (feeling hurt, sad, angry)
• What are you believing? (my partner doesn't love me)
• Before you react, can you pause and call on the breath to help you ground yourself?  
• As you breathe in really tune into the breath. Think of the breath as an act of self care that helps tame reactive emotions.  
• Notice how you' re caught up in reactivity; reacting to what is happening. 

We need to pause, breathe and bring a feeling of love and kindness towards ourselves. It's important to express understanding and acknowledge the difficulty we are experiencing in going through this challenging time, event, situation or feeling. This pausing and connecting helps us come back to the moment...it is only a first step but an important one.

Awareness, compassion and learning to stay in the face of pain are essential to healing and connection... 

Awareness is what can help us find our way back to connect with body, breath and life...An acronym that can help is R.A.I.N. it stands for:

Recognize - what is happening. That you've gotten hooked and drifted into thoughts or stories.

Allow - open to your experience. Bring acceptance to meet the pain. If sadness is present then name it and notice where you feel it in your body and pause..can you soften around the sadness...let go of resisting it or judging yourself for it (i.e. I'm weak or silly for feeling this).

Intimacy/Investigate - Get Intimate with what is happening - how are you reacting to your experience. Are you pushing it away? What is in need of attention or kindness?

Non-attachment - know that what you are experiencing (fear, sadness, anger) is an experience you are having and not who you are. For example some people will say I'm just a sad or angry person. You aren't sad every minute of the day and you can't be angry all the time. Being able to see what is happening without getting hooked to it helps you to be more open to the experience.

These are some tips on ways to begin to explore this healing practice.

May you be well

May you be free from suffering

May you be peaceful

Does the Universe Really Know Me?

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us Universe..." Albert Einstein By Joe Hood (Guest Blogger) 

 

For better or worse Mindfulness allows me to notice things I wasn’t aware of in the past.

As I progress with my practice, I’m not surprised that I’m more mindful, but I am surprised at how naturally this comes to me. I now notice things that I never noticed in the past. For example, I may be struggling with something in my head and out of the blue someone plays a song that hits me like a ton of bricks. It may not solve the issue, but it allows me to see it with more clarity.  As I become more present and open to experience, I’m able to see what’s happening with a greater depth and perception. Which leads me to ask the question, how does the universe know me so well? Constantly, subtle things are presented to me, which fit into place like tailor made gloves.

I‘ve never been a big believer in fate, or the idea that things happen for a reason. I mostly subscribe to the theory that you make your own fate and you’re in control. But I’m not so sure anymore and that’s “BIG” for me.

Lately, the things that come before me are so dialed in and relevant, that it’s not to think there’s a programmer behind the curtain. Sometimes these things are so obvious, that I get the feeling someone’s messing with me.

"Mindfulness is about being fully awake in our lives. It is about perceiving the exquisite vividness of each moment. We also gain immediate access to our own powerful inner resources
or insight, transformation, and healing."- Jon Kabat-Zinn -

Mindfulness practice has changed me in many obvious ways and in ways that I’m not even aware of. As my mind becomes less cloudy, it’s easier to see things that I wasn’t able to see when I was less mindful and sometimes that’s a little scary. Particularly when these random things don’t seem so random anymore.

Giving up control is very hard for me. But I look at it this way; I don’t have to give up TOTAL control. I am only giving up enough control to allow all the data and information to come to light. This allows me to act mindfully and proceed with deeper clarity.

Now (don’t tell anyone I said this), but I do think there is an element of fate to our lives. For me, the saying “If it’s meant to be” is beginning to mean something and I’m finding peace in that.

I can see that things do happen for a reason.

J.H.

* This post is shared by guest blogger Joe Hood, who practices mindfulness meditation on a daily basis and shares his experience with this grounding and peaceful practice. Sharing his insight and experience is a wonderful way to learn about this practice and I'm honored to have him post on this blog. I'm looking forward to his future posts :-)

Expand your world view and open to life and love...Part 1

To see things from a different perspective and expand our view of  the world is to be open to life and everything in it. When we open our mind, heart and body to pain, joy, love and life, we shift from a narrow view based on past experiences, hurts, joys, and sadness to see things from another perspective. This opening to life helps us grow and also opens our heart to connect with all of life.

Opening to awareness, compassion and acceptance allows us to experience all of life. The pleasant and unpleasant. We can't grow and heal if we remain closed to certain experiences.

When we are fearful and tighten up in response to fear we become paralyzed and only experience a fraction of life. We get stuck in our view of the world and it's like being trapped in a room where the windows are painted on. We don't see the world; everyone and everything in it for all the wonder, beauty, sorrow, pain, joy that it holds. We only see our narrow view of it. This limits how we experience others as we only see fragments of the people we come into contact with. We may judge others and look for those whose world view is like ours in an effort to stay "comfortable and safe, ". The irony is that in trying to stay "safe" we end up stuck in a room with our own fears, hurts, defenses, etc. We may get glimpses of how expansive the world is and how expansive we are beyond the small fearful self but again we retreat at any sign of fear, threat, etc.

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. .”
― Stephen Russell, Barefoot Doctor's Guide to the Tao: A Spiritual Handbook for the Urban Warrior

Opening your eyes to see from another's perspective can bring healing and growth... 

In opening our minds to see the world through other eyes we get a different perspective on life. We learn about each others wishes, hopes, dreams, sadness and pain. This is a moment of profound connection of opening our hearts and really wanting to be present to life and each other.

It's challenging and fear can arise with each step we take.  We move out of our comfort zone into  the unknown world of other. In beginning to expand our world view, opening our mind and heart to each other we begin to see beyond the small self, beyond ego and here lies the potential for healing and growth. Seeing the world from a different perspective can help us grow in areas where we are stuck. It can help us heal past hurts and begin to free up our energy so that we can be more connected with our aliveness (ability to feel, act, think and sense). We begin to see the full richness of the world around us; the colors, fragrance, emotions, sensations, etc. This stepping out of the old way of seeing and doing things is uncomfortable and scary. If you really want to feel alive, if you want to experience new things then you must open to life.

 

It really is a choice; to live on guard and at war with self and others or to be open and vulnerable and yes, risk the possibility of getting hurt.

Which do you choose?

Until next time...

May you be well... 

P.S. I will be posting a 2nd part to this with steps on how to help you practice opening the mind and heart. Questions? Please feel free to contact me. :-)